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Thread: Oil Change, Men Vs Women!!!

  1. #1
    Registered User guy_geo's Avatar
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    Location
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    Default Oil Change, Men Vs Women!!!

    Oil Change instructions for Women:
    1) Pull up to "Jiffy Lube" when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
    last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
    vehicle.
    Cost:
    * Oil Change $20.00
    * Coffee $1.00
    * Total $21.00.

    Oil Change instructions for Men:
    1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter,
    kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
    2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back
    to O'Reilly's to recycle, dump it in a hole in the back yard.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in the process.
    12) Clean up mess.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Look for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
    16) Drink another Beer.
    17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
    tomorrow.
    The next day
    18) drag pan full of old oil out from under car.
    19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday
    21) Walk to 7-11 to buy more beer.
    22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
    surface.
    23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24) Forgot to re-install drain plug from step 11.
    25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along
    with drain plug. (IDIOT!!)
    27) Drink beer.
    28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
    29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
    30) Drink beer.
    31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
    32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
    33) Begin cussing fit.
    34) Throw wrench.
    35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992) in
    the left boob.
    36) Beer.
    37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    38) Beer.
    39) Beer
    40) Dump in three fresh quarts of oil.
    41) Beer.
    42) Lower car from jack stands.
    43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
    44) Move car back, apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step
    23.
    45) Beer.
    46) Test drive car.
    47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    48) Car gets impounded.
    49) Make bail.
    50) Get car from impound yard.

    Cost:
    * Parts $50.00
    * DUI $2500.00
    * Impound fee $75.00
    * Bail $1500.00
    * Beer $25.00
    * Total-- $4150.00
    * But you know the job was done right!
    C:\Ancien Disque Dur\Albums photos\Autos Divers\240Z Guy 2008\10.jpg240Z..

    FAST & CHEAP = NOT GOOD
    CHEAP & GOOD = NOT FAST
    FAST & GOOD = NOT CHEAP

  2. #2
    Registered User Rockr69's Avatar
    Member ID
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    Default

    that's so right it's not right
    Dan

    1976 280z HLS30-299271
    1983 Maxima (my Hooptie)
    1990 F-150 4X4
    1989 Honda Accord (Wife's Car)

  3. #3
    Biafra for President e_racer1999's Avatar
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    Default

    hahahahahahhahaha..... it's funny cause it's true
    Jason King
    6/72 240Z / HLS30 89646 (Yellow)
    1996 Infiniti I30 *I finally have all Nissans again!*
    1971 510 4door (wife's car)
    IZCC Member #14186

    Quote Originally Posted by xray View Post
    As unfortunate as it may be, if you want to vintage race, go Euro....If you want to race for real, stick with the Z!

  4. #4
    '86 Turbo justin260z's Avatar
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    Default

    That sounds just like my dad, thats funny!

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